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Dissonance & Harmony
Burned out flames should never re-ignite,but i thought you might take me home
Dom and Erin can fuck off
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saintlukas:

matchless:

*prays that I instantly become hot at 18*

*ok let’s shoot for 21*

"Don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 20."
TheDailyPositive.com (via insanity-and-vanity)
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thesassycat:

sluttybitch2007:

The rest of the space is going to be pretty pissed when they see this. 

did you google how to take a screen shot
"Date someone who would rather watch your favorite movie with you then go to a party on Friday night. Date someone who will share their food with you even though you said you didn’t want any. Date someone who will warm your hands in the winter and kiss your pink nose. Date someone who will text you they love you at 2am and at 9pm. Date someone who will let you change the station in the car when they’re driving. Date someone who can make you smile when you would rather die. Date someone who makes your insides feel like you’ve just downed a bottle of vodka. Date someone who makes you better."

(via anatomyofapology)

You did

(via obscure-wonderment)

"One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad."

— Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via kanyequeen)
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seventimestwo:

My relationship with all of my friends

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

if i was a hamster trying to ask out a fellow lady hamster i would say ‘are you from amsterdam because hamster, DAMN!’. and not being able to do this is the number one reason humans suck

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communistbakery:

clubsnuggie:

communistbakery:

artichokehold:

communistbakery:

carpenters go to boarding school

wow wood you believe that?!

I saw what you did there

trees

thank you for ur contribution

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awwww-cute:

Yes, I would like a baby goat loaf, please
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xplosivediarrhea:

"can you give this to me in quarters?"